The Bollocked One
2008-08-09 - 4:27 p.m.
So I'm browsing Myspace for S Club 7 songs and staring at this dirty, dirt-cheap bottle of Vodkat (yes, note the T) which I plan to drink tonight and I wonder: when I was younger, is this how I dreamed my life would have been when I was seventeen? I am choosing to hear a resounding yes. Excellent, then let's move on.
The Olympics have started, which gives me an excellent chance to pretend to be the sort of person who knows what's going on in the world, by my boycotting of it. My boycotting will really get the message across to China that I am not best pleased with them, I am very sure. Of course my boycotting and general displeased-ness with China comes from a few stories I have heard here and there and could possibly, I suppose, be described a bit as ill-informed and presumptive and generally not worth the toilet paper it's not even written on. But that is a moot point as not everybody knows that and so around my family I can seem sort of bothered and clever. Even when my opinions only really get voiced when I am able to butt into other people's conversations, such as when my dad and Anthony were discussing some sort of drums which used in the opening ceremony and I interjected with "I wonder if they could hear them in Tibet? Oh no, all they can hear is crying..."
I got a wonderful opportunity to show off at work today. Some poor soul was getting a bollocking off the supervisors for being crap, and as they brought him out of the Bollocking Room (which also doubles up as a fire escape corridor - handy) I heard Debbie/Dobbie say "Now, look how Claire does it." I had a bit of a panic as I realised I was being watched and that I was very much expected to be setting a good example, which could be difficult since on this particular shift I was feeling a bit under the weather and not making much effort with customers at all. So I started to really overdo it with terrifying smiles and a bit of a "wow, yes, gee whizz" attitude and luckily the customer was quite a friendly, chatty sort so it looked like I was doing really well and am just always this nice to my customers. I could hear Debbie/Dobbie making comments to the Bollocked One such as "See, constant interaction with the customer... much better body language..." and then after the customer had wandered off, she called over to me "Claire, that was brilliant, well done." I managed to resist the urge to do a bashful "Oh... oh gosh, you weren't WATCHING that was you? Oh I had no idea!" skit thankfully, but I was quite pleased that Debbie/Dobbie went on her merry way thinking that I am good at my job and that I don't just spend most of my time staring at myself in the till mirror and thinking up insults for customers. Of course it makes me a bit of a swot really and the Bollocked One must have been wanting to punch my stupid smiling face in but la-la-la, who cares.